This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
