I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
