I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
