Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
