You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
wow bdsm is so cute
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