please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so much tequila, so little girl.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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