She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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