Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
porn star boner night. come get it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
