The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
