What a fucking waste of an outfit
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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