Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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