this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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