We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
