i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
