Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
