As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
