i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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