is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
