He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
