Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
