You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
