'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
