What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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