After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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