Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
