white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
