Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
