He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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