Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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