We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it because I queefed?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
