you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
