Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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