I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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