Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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