Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again

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(419): View more from Ohio

so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.

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(516): View more from New York

Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes

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(925): View more from California

I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't

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(334): View more from Alabama

You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.

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(678): View more from Georgia

All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.

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(714): View more from California

Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie

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(720): View more from Colorado

You peed on a flamingo?!?

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