omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
