Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
