Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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