tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You can't motorboat a personality
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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