Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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