Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
