i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
