what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
