R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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