uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
