apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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