Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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