Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
