I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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