Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
