worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
